Easter is tomorrow. Was Easter ever on four twenty when you were aalive, because it is tomorrow lol. Lol stands for laugh out loud by the way dad. I miss you so very much daddy. I’m actually supposed to be at Coachella right now. I failed in another realationship dad. I miss you so much dad. I love you. I’m so angry I never got to say goodbye to you. And sad. I met that piece of shit Shaun. I have the feeling he’s the reason you’re dead dad. I knew he was the cook when you overdosed. Why did you have to die when I was seventeen? I’ll never have you to walk me down my wedding day. That’s assuming I even get married. I think mom misses you she’s just so very angry with you. I’m mad at you too. Why did you start tweaking when I was two? Was it that hard to handle me? Was it something else? I just have so many questions. I miss Uncle Mikey. Uncle John is still alive, I just have no idea where he is. I miss him too. I don’t have have family left now. I mean there’s mom’s family, but they’re so different. So judgemental. Megan, Val and Rich’s kid has grown up to be very beautiful. I’m in a wheelchair right now, meaning that I’m going to be walking again. I shot myself with a .38 special in the chest. It propelled me back into our lazy boy chair. I managed to bring myself down to the ground and crawl army style to the front door four feet away or so. I screamed out the door, “I don’t want to die! HELP!” a couple of times, but this was November 16th and most people had gone home for Thanksgiving. PB was a ghos town. I called my ex-boyfriend. Wow that’s the first time I’ve written that. My heart hurts after I read that. Anyway… I called him before I called 911. I said, “THERE’S SO MUCH BLOOD!” I don’t remember the rest of our conversation exactly but I do remember he felt like shit because he went to the warehouse without me because we were fighting and he was in such a rush to call 911 himself that he forgot to tell me that he loves me before he got off the phone. So I called 911 and they asked me if I did this myself or if someone else was there. I didn’t know how to tell them I dd it myself so I said I didn’t know. The cops ended up coming along with the EMT’s. I remember even when I was literally dying I laughed my arse off. My wolf husky, (after she licked up all my blood) figured out that they wanted to take me away and she wasn’t down with that so she started running around the room. The cops tripped over her and each other trying to grab her. I think the police can go fuck themselves most of the time. This made me laugh my ass off! Even when I was dying! I screamed at them over and over again for a pillow because my legs were stuck in a really awkward position and it hurt my back even though I couldn’t feel my legs. I could feel going up Balboa by the bumps. I remembered going all the way into the hospital. I guess I was awake for the next five days in a sort of psychosis. I was in there for Thanksgiving and my birthday. That was all fine. It’s that Scripps Encinitas claimed to be compassionate when they weren’t. Because of their female psychiatrists she thought Sky was some mean big strong intimadating guy who was trying to take me out of there, when in reality he was the one keeping me there. There was some incident with me taking a shower and Sky helping me where they thought he was angry or something stupid. Because of a few miscommunications I had the worst birthday of my life. Ever since my time in the hospital, life has been really fucked. I got two hours of sleep almost every night for weeks upon weeks upon weeks. All because I was screaming from so much pain. Not because they took out the bullet through my back, or it hit my heart sack, or tore through my liver. Because of my reffered and phantom pain in my knee. You know how your throat gets sore from screaming at a concert? My throat hurt so fucking bad. Most people will never know the type of pain that I’ve been in, and I’m glad. No one, not even the shittiest type of people deserve to be in this type of pain. Sky says thanks for making the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.
I love you daddy xoxoxoxo your daughter,